Fiona Apple :: Why Try to Change Me Now

from

Then was Then and Now is Now: A Tribute to Cy Coleman

still trying to find a copy of this CD for sale…

this was a golden weekend for me, meaning a weekend with TWO whole days off.  in a row.  these only come once a month during our inpatient rotations, and i usually spend mine: 1) catching up on sleep, 2) catching up on dictations, and 3) catching up on errands. 

i was post-call Friday, and basically slept all afternoon, woke up and ate dinner and tried to do some work, and then back to sleep til Saturday.  did a little bit of work on Sat before heading out to the parents’ house in Cerritos.  i had plans to go shopping at the mall with my brother, so when I got to Cerritos, my brother and i headed to the mall almost immediately.

unbeknownst to me, something (by the name of Josh) was afoot. 

my brother and i spent a couple hours at the mall; i returned a few things, bought a few more.  at one point, we passed by a jewelry store going out of business and i joked to my brother that i should tell josh to look for rings there.  my brother spent a lot of time on the phone, talking to someone i thought was one of his friends.

though Josh had told me he was visiting his family in Atwater, he had apparently driven down from Norcal on Sat morning, and had reached Socal by the afternoon.  after my brother and i left for the mall, Josh went to my parents’ house to formally ask them for permission to marry me.

my brother and i returned from the mall, and had dinner with my parents (josh had left because he was planning to surprise me at my apt).  i did some laundry, and was hanging out, waiting for my clothes to dry.  the entire time, no one let on that anything was going on.  in retrospect, the only thing that seemed unusual was that my mom kept telling me to call her the next day.  (i thought it was just my mom being her normally weird self.)

by the time i got back to my apt, it was past midnight.  i called josh for our nightly phone conversation but he didn’t answer. (he’d gotten tired of waiting for me, and had decided to go to 24 hr finess, since he had nowhere else to go).  i was awoken by my cell phone ringing at 2 am, and was surprised to find that it was josh calling me in the middle of the night.

“do you know what time it is?!  why are you calling me?!”  i sleepily answered.

the next thing i know, someone is knocking on the door at 2 in the morning.  very confused as to why Josh was calling so late, and now why someone would be knocking on the door so late, i stumbled out of bed and opened the door to find Josh standing on my doorstep with a bouquet of roses.

“what are you doing here?!  i’m sooo confused,”  i said, still half-asleep.  I couldn’t quite believe everything that was happening, it was like a strange dream.

And there, in my living room with boxes still unpacked, and me in my PJs and half-asleep, Josh proposed.  I cried, of course.  And somewhere along the way,  I said yes.

we're engaged!

the ring

day 2 on the NICU and i *just* got home.  yes, that is a 13 hr day.  and yes, i still have work (prep for tomorrow) to do from home (not sure if computerized records is a + or - here).

the funny thing is, i quite like being in the hospital, and as crazy as today was, it’s not like i didn’t like what i was doing  (checking on kiddos, ordering meds, calling consultants, discharging pts, answering nurses’ questions…).   i just hate being so inefficient.  hopefully i’ll get the swing of things soon so that i can have a lot more fun on this rotation.

ps  being able to write orders without needing someone to cosign is awesome

pps i still need to get used to being called “dr”

For those of us who have been in school way too long, and are just beginning to step into the real world with our first *real* jobs (with salaries and benefits and all that extra paperwork jazz)…

NYTIMES:

A Primer for Young People Starting Their First Job

By RON LIEBER

Published: June 14, 2008

What employee manuals on health insurance, taxes and retirement plans should say, but don’t.

Saturday, I graduated from medical school.  Sunday, I moved 400 miles.  Today, I showed up at my new residency for my employee health screening/physical.  There’s been so much craziness over the last few days, that I’ve barely had a moment to process all these big changes in my life.

When I returned my gown after the grad ceremony, I was handed a manila envelope.   “Health clearance records and stuff,” the staffperson said.  That’s nice of them, I thought, knowing that we all had so much else on our minds besides digging up records for our residency programs.  I tossed it in the back of the car with my graduation cap, and immediately forgot about it as I reverted to stressing about coordinating lunch and family and finishing my packing.

I brought the manila envelope with me to the hospital today for my physical, and pulled out copies of my diploma, health clearance records from four years ago when I entered medical school, a reminder about the medical school alumni association, etc.  It wasn’t until later, as I was putting these papers back into the manila envelope that I realized there was something else in the envelope, something smaller that had escaped my notice.  I pulled out a small note-card sized envelope and thought, oh it must be a congratulations or goodbye card from the school staff…   I then realized that it was MY handwriting on the front that had addressed it to ”Sharon Pham, c/o 2008″.

I opened it up to find a note written to me, by me, four years ago:

Oct 2, 2004

You’re an MD!  As a premed in college the road seemed endless, but now you’re there.  Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the journey and retained the idealism and passion that motivated you to take this path.  When you started med school you had a number of interests – peds hem/onc, health policy, underserved communities, teaching – and these may have changed or strengthened.  You also had (or have) a boyfriend of 2 yrs who you could see yourself growing old with.  Hopefully you’ll continue to have wonderful people in your life and enjoy a good balance of professional and personal lives.  Never forget where you’ve been as you head into new and exciting parts of your life.

<3,  SP

I nearly cried when I read this (and am in fact crying right now as I copy my note for this post).  When we were given 10 minutes at our first-year retreat to do this exercise, I had no idea what to write and no clue what the next four years would hold for me.  And yet, I managed to write the perfect note for me.  For future med school graduate me who has survived four years of some of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows, and has questioned her career choice a hundred or so times (and questioned her sanity a million times), and has met some amazing people along the way (patients, attendings, classmates), and and who, by the way, still has that boyfriend (now 6 yrs and counting).

At our retreat four years ago, I had no idea how valuable this exercise would turn out to be, and now I’m so thankful that someone told me to write this letter to myself.  I hope the rest of my classmates find their notes an equally pleasant (and poignant) surprise.

• everyone here is very friendly
• lots of old, beautiful buildings
• also lots of graffiti
• pool = billiards and pinball = flipper
• order of items on a menu:  drinks, soups, main courses, salads, desserts
• cost of a glass of water: 250 forint (roughly $1.50)
• cost of a glass of wine: 300 forint (roughly $2.00)
• cost of a glass of juice: 300 forint
• bars are coffeehouses and restaurants as well
• coffee is usually an espresso with milk or cream or both, to be enjoyed at the cafe, not in paper cups to go
• i have not yet seen a sugar substitute (ie equal or splenda)
• vegetables are not a regular part of dishes or sandwiches
• salad seems to be a foreign concept.  the only raw vegetables eaten are tomatoes and cucumbers.
• cream and/or cheese is found in nearly all dishes – there is no shortage of calcium here.
• the cheapest opera tickets are 1000 forint (roughly $6.00)

…to be continued

it’s 2 am, and we’re driving my friend back to his hotel in Union Square.  we’re stopped at a red light and the guys in the cab next to us motion for josh to roll down his window.

they playfully yell, “we’re going to the Hilton!  where are you going?”

josh rolls the window back up immediately, his face turning bright red. 

… you find yourself utterly bored on the plane because your mp3 player’s battery died and you’ve already read all the articles and attempted all the crossword and sudoku puzzles in the airplane magazine on previous flights.

on a related note, as of yesterday, my black suit is officially retired. 

p.s.  i realize i haven’t posted in forever, partly because i have several drafts that i never bothered to finish.  hopefully i will catch up this weekend.

i just finished two of the most painful weeks of my medical school career, which is rather impressive considering that i’d already survived 3rd year.  if you have talked to me at all in the last couple weeks you’ve already heard me complain.

the first shock of the rotation was the prospect of having to do H&Ps after finishing rounds at 5 pm.  the typical workday ended about 7 or 8 pm, and i kept asking myself why i was working AI hours.  okay, so i had long hours.  not the ideal 4th year elective, but i like working in the hospital anyway, so it’d be okay, right?

apparently not if your attending is someone whose mere mention draws instantaneous shudders and looks of pity for the poor students under her tutelage.  or someone who one of my classmates cleverly compared to meryl streep’s character from The Devil Wears Prada.

i will refrain from retelling all the stories of medical student mistreatment endured these past 2 weeks (culture of medicine –> build a thick skin), but here are a few gems:

“it’s like pulling teeth” - in reference to my constantly interrupted presentation (interrupted by who?)

“what medical school do you guys go to?” – rhetorical question she posed after realizing our pharmacology was weak

“i’m not sure if you’re getting anything out of rounds” – because we’re just dumb idiots sitting there silently and not understanding anything.

and there’s so much much more.

she definitely beats the previous holder of the title of Snidest Unnecessary Comments

surgery attending to the intern: “you’re not a medical student anymore, you know”

supposedly a Green Day reincarnation (it’s hard to miss Billie Joe’s distinct voice) with a retro 50s-60s vibe.

download the 6-song album for free from their website.

 UPDATE:  hmm, it looks like they’ve stopped offering the album on their website.  you can still listen at http://www.myspace.com/foxborohottubs